October 31, 2005
October 25, 2005
Halloween Helpful Hints
This is a tradition for me. Every year I post this Halloween helpful advice list to ensure that all my beloved gentle readers make it through another Hallow’s Eve. The list started on a message board, and ever since I have kept it alive with any additions that my gentle readers, myself or fellow message board brethren have come up with. (Except for any that I may have lost when reloading computers or the transfer to another computer at work… it’s not an exact science…)
Enjoy!
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead. It isn’t.
2. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away immediately.
3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language, which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice, which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
6. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.
7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
8. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
9. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
10. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
11. Do not take anything from the dead. No matter how much you like it, it's bound to disagree with you sooner or later.
12. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Note that if you are blonde and of the female persuasion, just kill your self now because the monster is going to catch you any way. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely rambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
16.Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Haddonfield, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, and any small town in Maine,
Maryland, and Massachusetts.
17.If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to use the telephone. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself in the head. You are going to die anyway and most likely be eaten.
18. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
19. Don't make fun of or play with dead things.
20. If you see a town that looks deserted except for children, do not try to 'help' them - they will eat you.
21. If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.
22. Never have sex in the bunk beds of recently renovated summer camps.
23. Whenever you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.
24. Do not allow crewmates back aboard the craft if and after you have found a hideous parasite attached to his/her body.
25. Be forewarned that a gun is only good for ALMOST killing the monster, never for COMPLETELY killing it. Be sure to have an extra weapon, preferably one with ”flair" (a knife, a harpoon, a heavy box, razor confetti, pop tarts...)
26. Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was dead.
27. Never bathe, especially when in the house alone.
28. If you are a female, never expose yourself. Easy women die fast.
29. Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.
30. If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, and you say "Tom... Tom is that you?" and Tom does not answer, run away.
31. If you have to run away, taking a bus is your best bet. If you take a car the monster will be in it.
32. Don’t ever watch unfamiliar and bizarre videotapes.
33. Never let the little bitch out of the well.
34. Never trust a computer with a little girl avatar.
35. If there are supernatural elements going on around you, don't have sex.
36. If you are a blond, dye your hair! You have a much better chance of survival if you are a brunette, or redhead. (I guess we don't taste as good or something...)
(no offense to my blond brothers and sisters)
37. Stay out of cornfields, woods, swamplands and bodies of water. These are locations where no one will hear you if you scream, or if the do hear you, they will never find you in time.
38. Stay out of big old scary looking mansions, nothing good ever comes from your visit, no matter how considerate a houseguest you are.
39. Never back slowly down stairs, around corners, or through doorways. You have just been where you are coming from and you should know that the threat is not there.
40. If the phone goes dead just when you are about to call for help, don't waist time jiggling the receiver cradle and shouting "Hello" into the receiver. Giving away your position while masking the sounds of the opponents approach is NOT a good tactic.
41. For Heaven's sake, listen to us Moors residents when we tell you to "Keep to the roads, lads!"
42. Stay away from dusty old tomes with questionable fabric covers.
43. Never try to read aloud from books when they are written in some obscure dead language, even if you are a linguistics expert. There are reasons why certain languages are dead.
44. Never say, “It could be worse,” because it will get much worse.
45. Never turn your back on stuffed animals, dolls or clowns. They may seem innocent enough, but they are really demons laying in wait.
46. Do not try destroying same dolls, animals or clowns with fire, water, or exorcism, as this only pisses them off. Just resign yourself to the fact that your life is over.
47. Never invite a ghost or spirit to show itself. It may think that you want it to stay and will make itself at home
October 17, 2005
For the halibut...
I was fishing around for something to post when I came across one of those listy type things and I thought... why not? So here it is...
10 years ago I was:
-planning my wedding
-house hunting
-playing computer games
-working as a temp
-running away from my parents
5 years ago I was:
-still smoking
-5 years younger
-wishing for more money to fix up the house
-attempting to shake off my plant killer stigma
- trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up…
1 year ago I was:
-no longer smoking
-realizing that I liked asparagus
-watching a lot of Farscape
-depressed about nothing, but still depressed
-in NYC
Yesterday I:
-watched Stargate
-cleaned my kitchen
-did laundry
-Made moussaka for the first time
-slept late
-drank lots o’ coffee
5 snacks I enjoy:
-pretzels
-pretty much any form of chocolate (except the white variety)
-graham crackers
-strawberries
-fruit flavored tootsie rolls
5 songs I know all the words to:
-All Rush songs
-Most Type O Negative songs
-The entire self titled Pushmonkey CD
-Always something there to remind me (Naked Eyes)
-Pink Floyd “The Wall” album
5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:
-Give my parents some
-Give hubster’s parents some
-buy hubster a new car – something more fuel efficient then the Pathfinders.
-Invest
-donate
5 places I would run away to:
-Scotland
-Colorado (to visit Linda, Hub and Bean)
-Cozumel
-Australia
-Japan
5 Things I will NEVER wear:
-leather pants
-belly shirst
-speedo
-muumuu
-contacts
5 favorite TV shows:
-Farscape
-Buffy: The Vampire Slayer
-Angel
-Babylon 5
-Stargate
5 bad habits:
-laziness
-swearing
-selfishness
-losing my temper
-binging
5 biggest joys:
-Hubster
-Music
-Kitty 1
-Kitty 2
-Kitty 3
5 fictional characters I would date: (if I weren’t married to the hubster...)
-Corwin – The Amber Chronicles
-Merlin – The Amber Chronicles
-Garrett – Thief – I have a thing for rogues
-pretty much dark broody anti-hero types
October 14, 2005
Now that's a relief
Wow! It's almost safe to turn the tv on again... It's about time! :D
I think that is enough reason to celebrate, especially since it is a Friday.
By the way, I have been meaning to ask... does anyone out in blog land know of a way to create a picture out of a single frame of a movie. My mom took movies with her digital camera instead of pictures and now she is frustrated because she cannot seem to capture one frame to convert it. Any suggestions are appreciated.
October 13, 2005
We are experiencing a lull…
The weather has made quite the dramatic change in the last few days. Last Thursday it was a toasty 80-something degrees with sunny skies. Since then, the thermometer hasn’t risen above 55 and I haven’t seen the sun at all. But I am not complaining as I prefer the weather this way. I like the idea of not sweating the moment I get out of the shower. I love the idea of sleeping underneath a big down comforter. I like the guilt free weekend of doing nothing because it is too miserable to go out side and do yard work – not that I really do a lot of it to begin with. It’s just that now not doing anything is guilt free.
Work, on the other hand, is a completely different story. No matter how little I have to do, or how much I have managed to get done, if there is idle time, I always feel guilty. Right now, typing this – guilt. Even though I am taking an online CSS course at the same time. Multitasking is one of the things I do best. (All I can think of is that obnoxious commercial for – I think Residence Inn – some hotel where there is this really annoying slacker singing “Multi – Tasking!” And the spuedo laughter after he says” The chances of me getting any work done is…. Remote!” I really hate that guy. Smarmy, self-satisfied assclown.)
Anyway, the rumor mill has started churning about with the whispers of lay-offs and re-orgs and it always makes me wonder who all is going to be left to do even more work? I’ve dodged that particular bullet more times than I care to count. Is this going to be the time my neck is on the chopping block? That is always a possibility. I hate the thought of it. So, perhaps if I ignore it long enough, it will go away. I know that it doesn’t work that way, but today I want to play ostrich. Not to mention I am only doing this because the online course is putting me to sleep.
Another area that I have been playing Ostrich in is the whole news department. I
have decided that I have had enough of the back-knifing droning whining from
everywhere. I used to get a lot of amusement out of the Grrr! Columns by Fox News’ Mike Straka, and even more amusement from the people that wrote him. I found myself nodding my head in agreement with some and grrrring myself at others. However, somewhere in the last month, I find myself pissed off every time I read them. It seems that everyone everywhere is offended by something and needs to tell the world how they are right and everyone else is wrong. Most of the written whines have to do with the lack of manners and civility that has become more prevalent through out our society. Not that they are wrong, but how about this – instead of whining anonymously on a website – find some tactful way of confronting the jerks on their moronic behavior. Nine times out of ten the person doesn’t even know they are being annoying. The 10th one does and needs to be shamed back into acceptable behavior.
Or at least that’s my theory.
Anyway, I haven’t been saying a lot because I find that lately, I haven’t a lot to say. Work keeps me busy, for the most part. Hubster has been going crazy with all the regular work and homework he has been doing. An old friend from my past has suddenly popped back up in my life and I am glad of it. I had no idea how much I missed having her to talk to, even though we are still meandering through the awkward stages of getting reacquainted. We hadn’t talked in over nine years. Some things about both of us will never change, but there is a lot that has. It’s getting past that part where we can share a comfortable silence that is elusive right now.
The parental units are driving all over the south right now on an extended vacation. They will be out of town for three weeks. It seems funny to me that they are going to be gone so long. I’m used to talking to them at least every other day. In their absence I have been tasked with checking the house every two to three days to make sure the hot water tank hasn’t exploded. My question is, what would they like me to do about it? I understand there is a point to having someone walk around the house to make sure there isn’t a gas leak, or someone hasn’t broken in and stolen the family fortune (hee hee – right…) or to just plain old make sure the heat comes on so the pipes don’t freeze. But am I supposed to feel responsible if the hot water tank blows up? I just don’t get it.
I’m also responsible for keeping my mother’s plants alive. Anyone who knows me well knows what a joke that is. I am more dangerous to plant life than Agent Orange. I am wanted in three states for herbicide! I have no plants in my house that are not all ready dead and dried or plastic (and even those aren’t immune to my rare talent. My house is my own killing field. ) Actually, the cats can be blamed for the death of the fake flowers. The way they go at them, you would think they were laced with catnip. Anyway, I made them sign a waiver that I could not be held responsible for any of them dying or being eaten by mites while I was merely watering them. They looked at me with suspicion, but signed anyway. (MMMMWWWWAAAHHHAAAHAHAHAHA!!! Silly parents.)
Well, that’s just a little bit that has been going on in Ethneville – oh and yes, I did see Serenity… liked it very much except for one thing. And no, I am not going to ruin it. Just go and see it all ready!
Long Live Joss!
October 04, 2005
10-4, good buddy
I haven't really had much time - nor inclination – to write lately. It’s just the whole autumn apathy setting in, or at least I think it is. Hubster and I have been kind of busy lately. He has his homework, I have my housework – ok, I lie – I haven’t been doing that much house work. Honestly, I just don’t feel like doing much.
I blame it on Stargate SG-1. I used to think it was a stupid show until hubster and I got sucked in Labor Day weekend. Ever since, it has been a (practically) non-stop marathon. And this weekend we spent (when he wasn’t doing homework, that is) either eating, watching Stargate, watching movies and in general, just laying low. When he was doing homework, I kept myself busy setting up my mother’s new computer, grocery shopping, cleaning (a little) and cooking / baking. We went to Belhurst Castle on Friday night to celebrate our anniversary.
If anyone one in the blogoverse has a chance to visit the Finger Lakes area in Upstate NY for the winery tours, I highly recommend Belhurst as the place to stop for a meal. The restaurant, Edgar’s located in the castle itself. It’s a little bit pricey, but worth every penny. The wait staff is super friendly; I have never had a bad meal or experience there. I think that next year hubster and I are going to save up and spend the weekend there. Maybe we’ll do a few wine tours while we are there. I want to go to Bully Hill.
And now for the important stuff. I want to wish my handsome wonderful husband a very happy anniversary. I forgot to say it before leaving the house this morning. 9 years ago today, we took that stroll down the aisle and I haven’t looked back since. Thank you for the best nine years of my life. I love you.