Pole Dancing In The Dark

I'm not bitter

Really, I am trying my damnedest not to be one of those bitter "oh woe is me, I can't have kids" kind of people... but son of a bitch

In the last month I have had 4 separate people tell me how they got pregnant even though they weren't trying, they didn't want another child or they were told that it was impossible for them to have one. I honestly celebrate for the ones that were trying and were told that they couldn't but managed any way. Kudos for them, really. It won’t happen to me, this past weekend’s worth of surgery pretty much guaranteed that. But I’m not bitter – really.

But when I have a freakin' alcoholic pot smoking selfish immature person tell me that she is pregnant even though she wasn't trying, was told she couldn't and she is familiar with all the shit I have been going through...

Let’s just say today wasn't a happy day for me. I would be genuinely happy for her if I knew that she would stop with the drinking and smoking, but I don't see it. I hope to all that is good that I am wrong because I don't want to see a small child suffer neglect or wind up dysfunctional either mentally, physically or psychologically because some selfish bint can’t put the pipe down. It isn’t fair to the kid. I’ve known several children that have had shitty lives due to the fact that they are born addicted to something. One of my adopted cousins lives in a mental facility because he has fetal alcohol syndrome (both of his adopted parents are dead.) He will remain there for the rest of his life… because he cannot take care of himself and no one else can take full time care of him either. He brothers and sisters all have families of their own and he is a safety hazard to those families. Because his freakin biological mother couldn’t stop sucking on the bottle.

I know that it isn’t all about me. At this point I could care less if I actually bear the child. I would be more than happy to adopt. But hubster wants to try this one more time. So, cheerfully (or not so much so) I trudge along. Right now, the only thing that is keeping me going and keeping me from going insane is my nice little prescription for Darvoset. Long may it reign. :)

Posted by Ethne at October 5, 2007 03:11 PM | TrackBack