Pole Dancing In The Dark

The Wah Awards, Part Deux

From IMDB:

And now for our latest winner (whiner) of the Wah Awards - none other than old Han Solo himself (and to think I used to have crush on you - I feel so dirty now) - Harrison Ford!

Harrison Ford hates the internet, because it means anyone can spread malicious gossip about him. The actor, who plays a computer-security specialist in his latest film Firewall, sees a need to censor his words to avoid being misrepresented online. He says, "The worst thing about the internet is that anything and everything is up for grabs. How can that be, when I limit my public conversations to about once every couple of years? Any kind of rubbish goes on the internet and it can have a f**king life of its own."

Dude, seriously, you were having the same issues back when there was no internet – just tabloids. And there were those of us who didn’t mind that you robbed the cradle for the walking stick figure. There were those of us that didn’t care that you “acted” your way into becoming the “Carpenter of the Stars” and of course, there were those of us that didn’t care that you really couldn’t act – unless of course all your roles were just variations on the Han Solo theme (and don’t even get me started on What Lies Beneath.)

But… thanks to the internet, I found out how you took an Academy Award to the coward Roman Polanski because he refuses to come back to the states to serve his time for being convicted of being a child rapist. So, you think it’s ok for a child rapist to not only escape serving a prison term (and he could of appealed) but to be the presenter or the freakin’ award? Dude, the girl was only 13!!

So you are upset that we talk smack about you on the internet… Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Now quit your crying, ya big baby.

I am really beginning to hate Hollyweird and CeleBRATies.

Take a Moment

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for the well wishes. It means a heck of a lot to me that there are people out there that I have never met, worrying about my well-being. I truly feel blessed.

Thank you all so very much.

Update

Well, I guess all went well as I still have a pulse. Actually, I wasn't worried about that part. I do have to say that I wasn’t aware of the whole being intubated part or I may have had second thoughts. I was just as pathetically wussy about the IV as I was afraid I would be. I just remember waking up with the damn tube still crammed into the pie hole. Then I closed my eyes again, and poof, it was gone. Best nap I have ever had.

I have three small incisions in my belly. The polyp is gone as well as the fibroid (avoid the noid). The tubes however are so damaged and screwed up that they couldn’t be removed or cauterized with this surgery. That would require a more intrusive operation. Anyway, I’m working the hubster to death because he promised to wait on me hand and foot for these four days. He has made three fantastic meals… but I haven’t been all that hungry. He is making enchiladas tonight.

Other than that, I have had a reaction to the adhesive on the plastic bandages they put on the incisions so now I have these little itty blisters that itch like crazy. I also had a nasty reaction to the Vicodin last night which wasn’t pleasant. I’ve learned my lesson – never take two of them at a time. Other than that, I’m doing well.

And yay! I see that Shamus is home with his Catscape family and recovering. Give him some pettins from me!

Wish me luck

So, yeah, tomorrow...

Tomorrow I am going under the knife. So that they (the doctors) can fix the things that are wrong with me and remove the things that can’t fix. I know I am making a much bigger deal out of it than it is, but keep in mind, the only surgery I have ever had before was tonsillectomy when I was three. Needless to say, I don’t remember much other than my aunt visiting me while on her lunch break (she worked in that hospital.)

Besides, it’s not like the being knocked out and then sliced and diced part is going to bother me, it’s the pre-surgery crap… like the IV. I hate IVs, I hate needles and I absolutely abhor catheters (not sure if that’s going to be part of the process, but naturally that is the big thing I am obsessing over). The last time I had an IV, the dickhead that shoved the Holland tunnel into my arm told me to stop being such a baby. Less the 5 hours later, my hand had swollen to twice it’s size. Apparently the jerk crammed a tube in that was too large for my veins… yeah, that I am obsessing over.

I know, things could be a lot worse. I could be going in for something far more invasive. But I’m still a tad nervous. And this had better be worth it…

But before then, I get to go to the podiatrist, out to dinner, then onto The Lion King… so today is a fairly full day.

Wish me luck.

Help out Catscape

I'm a little slow on the uptake so this is a little over due. It seems as if Catscape needs some prayers for his feline friend, Shamus. He is even selling very cute t-shirts and using the profit from those to help offset the cost of the surgery. Since he and his wife were kind enough to keep my monster in their thoughts when she was being nuked last year, I figured I could return the favor.

Besides, take a look at this face and tell me he isn't worth a few extra prayers...

My thoughts are with the Catscape family.

A little Saint Patrick's Day help

A helpful little email that I received today:

IRISH BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
SYMPTOM Feet cold and wet
CAUSE Glass Being held at incorrect angle
CORRECTIVE ACTION Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

SYMPTOM Feet warm and wet
CAUSE Improper Bladder Control
CORRECTIVE ACTION Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training

SYMPTOM Beer unusually pale and tasteless
CAUSE a. Glass empty.
b. You're holding a Coors Lite
CORRECTIVE ACTION Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
CAUSE You have fallen over backward
CORRECTIVE ACTION Have yourself leashed to bar

SYMPTOM Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
CAUSE You have fallen forward
CORRECTIVE ACTION See above

SYMPTOM Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
CAUSE a. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
CORRECTIVE ACTION Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

SYMPTOM Floor Blurred
CAUSE You are looking through bottom of empty glass
CORRECTIVE ACTION Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM Floor moving
CAUSE You are being carried out
CORRECTIVE ACTION Find out if you are being taken to another bar

SYMPTOM Room seems unusually dark
CAUSE Bar has closed
CORRECTIVE ACTION Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run.

SYMPTOM Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
CAUSE Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
CORRECTIVE ACTION Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

SYMPTOM Everyone looks up to you and smiles
CAUSE You are dancing on the table
CORRECTIVE ACTION Fall on someone cushy-looking

SYMPTOM Beer is crystal-clear
CAUSE It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
CORRECTIVE ACTION Punch him

SYMPTOM People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
CAUSE You're in the ladies' room
CORRECTIVE ACTION Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional).

SYMPTOM Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
CAUSE You have been in a fight
CORRECTIVE ACTION Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

SYMPTOM Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
CAUSE You've wandered into the wrong party
CORRECTIVE ACTION See if they have free beer

SYMPTOM Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
CAUSE a. You're in jail
b. You're in the navy
CORRECTIVE ACTION Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach.

SYMPTOM You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
CAUSE You're in a gay bar
CORRECTIVE ACTION Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs.

SYMPTOM Your singing sounds distorted
CAUSE The beer is too weak
CORRECTIVE ACTION Have more beer until your voice improves

SYMPTOM Don't remember the words to the song
CAUSE Beer is just right
CORRECTIVE ACTION Play air guitar

Remember, be safe, don't drink and drive.

As for me, I'm not irish, and I don't drink (much) so I will be staying in tonight and celebrating by watching The Boondock Saints.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Friday Quiz

You Are 60% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Oh, good, I was starting to worry.

Brokeback Crash

The Wah Awards

From IMDB yesterday:

'Brokeback' Author Slams Oscars

Brokeback Mountain author Annie Proulx has slated the Academy Awards for giving the Best Picture Oscar to Crash at this year's presentation ceremony. In an essay published by British newspaper The Guardian, Proulx describes voters as "out of touch" and "segregated" from current issues, and insists they were easily influenced by Crash's production company Lions Gate Entertainment. She writes, "Roughly 6,000 film industry voters, most in the Los Angeles area, many living cloistered lives behind wrought-iron gates or in deluxe rest homes, out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment that is America these days, but also out of touch with their own segregated city, decide which films are good. And rumor has it that Lions Gate inundated the academy voters with DVD copies of 'Trash' - excuse me, Crash - a few weeks before the ballot deadline. Next year we can look to the awards for controversial themes on the punishment of adulterers with a branding iron in the shape of the letter A, runaway slaves, and the debate over free silver."

Blah blah blah... wah

And from NY Times:

Upset 'Brokeback' Fans Advertise Their Feelings
But after "Brokeback Mountain" lost the best picture Oscar to "Crash," more than 800 fans — participants in an online discussion group known as the Ultimate Brokeback Forum — chipped in more than $24,000 to buy a full-page ad in Daily Variety. The ad, which ran Friday, thanked the makers of the movie "for transforming countless lives through the most honored film of the year."

"I felt we had to do something," said Dave Cullen, a journalist in Denver who bought the ad after setting up several Brokeback sites, at addresses including brokeback.davecullen.com. "People were distraught, upset, angry; they couldn't believe it."

No, I haven’t seen the movie… either of them in fact. I’ve pretty much stayed away from the movie theaters as much as possible for two reasons. 1. They are over priced and 2. The ambiance sucks most massively. Ok, there is a third reason… the hubster. He is a movie junky who knows his stuff when it comes to setting up his own home theater. If we were to buy a bigger widescreen HD projection TV, we would have to move. Now, that isn’t necessarily bragging, it more the fact that the basement in our house is … cozy. So, when it comes to viewing movies, I prefer to wait until they are out on DVD or On Demand. Plus, with my rock concert damaged ears, it gives me the opportunity to watch movies with subtitles, so I don’t have to turn to the hubster every five minutes to ask him what was said. It’s amazing how fast you get used to them.

I have only made the exception to the movie theater rule about three times in the past year… (that I can recall). The Exorcism of Emily Rose – which was fortunately playing with subtitles for the hearing impaired at the local theater. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (a most disappointing experience) and … wait, four movies… I lied. Serenity (awesome) and Nochnoi Dozor (Night Watch – a movie that makes me wish I knew Russian fluently). So, there it is, the movie list.

Anyway, as I was saying. Is it just me, or are these idiots just being really sore losers? I wonder how many of them are still suffering from PESTS (just in case you have been living under a rock it’s “Post Election Stress and Trauma Syndrome”)? Face it people, Brokeback lost. Get over it.

“Proulx describes voters as "out of touch" and "segregated" from current issues, and insists they were easily influenced by Crash's production company Lions Gate Entertainment”

No honey, perhaps it is you and your ilk that is out of touch with current issues. Personally, I don’t give a shit to what someone’s sexuality is, and I don’t care for it being thrown constantly in my face. I have and had plenty of friends that are gay, but I don’t think that it defines them as a human being. They would be just as wonderful if they were straight. Who knows? But somehow to hold up this movie as ground breaking just because it depicts a couple of gay ranchers is bullshit, plain and simple. And perhaps instead of focusing on the homosexual issue, perhaps it is better to focus on the moral one – a man cheating on his wife. How is that any different than a half dozen other movies out there other than the “other woman” is now a man? It’s still cheating.

Also, I think there are bigger “current issues” that take up more importance in the voter’s minds. For instance, racism, and the different forms it takes. Such as was portrayed in Crash. That it isn’t just whites that are bigots. Bigatory comes in all sorts shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds. Matter of fact, the venom spewing forth from Proulx’s mouth could also be construed as a form of bigotry. Bigotry against those who preferred Crash to your Trash – to use your own sour grape description.

Personally, I still have no overwhelming urge to watch either film because neither one appeals to me on any level. But I am less likely to watch Brokeback now due to the backlash of the writer, the director and the pathetic 800 fans that feel that the world should know their angst by publishing an ad… well, at least their ad was a more positive route, but still... gah.

Show me the MONEY!!!

Hat tip: The Lone Pony

A bit of myself

I normally don’t like to get into the personal personal stuff when talking about my life on line, but lately… I have just felt the overwhelming need to over share. This could get graphic, it will be very personal and if I didn’t strive to be so anonymous, I probably wouldn’t be typing this at all.

As most of the regulars know around here, I am adopted. It’s no big deal, I no longer dwell on who could have been my parents and I am past the point of imagining them being really famous people with lots o’ wealth to share to over compensate for their guilt at giving me up. I have matured to the point to realize that being adopted is possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t even care about the circumstances of the reasons behind my biological mother’s desire to give me away. It was the best thing for both of us and I wish her the best in all things (but if you do happen to have lots o’ money, I wouldn’t turn it down…)

Being adopted has its good points and its bad points. The good points consist of being really mean to other kids when they mock you. I could always tell them that their parents were stuck with them, whereas my parents picked me out. Or, when talking about my family, especially my brother, I could always maintain full deniability. “Yes, we are legally related, but not blood… so I don’t share the jackass gene with him.” Also, it is amusing to fake out the doctors’ offices while filling out all the embarrassing medical paper work that one has to fill out for every procedure and office. For example, when going through the family medical history, “Has anyone in your family ever had surgery for hemorrhoids?” I usually say, “I’m adopted, so I wouldn’t know, but I know my current family can be a pain in my ass.” Yeah, I usually just get a lot of strange looks.

On the downside, however, there is the complete lack of familial medical history, which has turned into a bit of an issue as of late. See, hubster and I have been trying to start a family. We had been practicing for years when we finally settled down and made the decision that maybe a mini hub or a mini me (shiver) may be a nice thing to have. So, we tried… and we tried… and we had lots of sex and lots of fun and all though the practice was enjoyable, yours truly wasn’t getting in the family way.

This had beeen going on for three years. During those three years, hubster was laid off, my Ob/Gyn quickly (and without warning) retired, I found a new one – who grossed me out, hubster was rehired, and then finally found another Ob/Gyn that I was happy with. She ordered tests, for both hubster and I. Now, I’m not going into his results here, because it isn’t my place. Besides, it really is all about me.

Short version, cysts, damaged tubes, fibroids and polyps – oh my. Long version, I have had every single type of infertility tests there is. I have been poked (not in the good way), prodded and inspected. I have had pretty much every single doctor in the city look at my nether regions and I am beginning to wonder if I should start charging admission. It would probably help us pay all the bills that all these tests are helping us accumulate. I have had so many blood test that the red cross keeps turning me away because I am suddenly anemic (slight exaggeration here.) Meanwhile, I keep looking at my husband through narrowed eyes muttering, “damn men, stupid little cups… you all suck.” No, I’m not bitter. No, really, I'm not... I know, not very convincing...

That has basically been my life since last October. Many tests, new results, more bad news. The topper came on the February 13 when I went for my annual Ob/Gyn exam and my doctor found a lump in my breast. She told me to schedule an appointment with the local breast clinic to have it checked ASAP. For two weeks, I was sweating the appointment. I knew I had to go, but part of me – the really stupid part – kept insisting it wouldn’t hurt me if I didn’t know about it. I gave up coffee and chocolate for those two weeks as per the directions from the clinic – both my comfort habits. I managed to convince myself that I would be all right, I was too young to die, but the words felt hollow in my noggin', especially since my noggin is hollow. I told no one. Hubster was with me at the appointment, so he knew, but I didn’t want to freak anyone else in the family out until I had information.

This past Tuesday was my appointment. I had my very first manglegram (my term) or if you prefer, mammograb (hubster) which really sucked. But with the pain came good news. It’s not cancer, it’s cysts. This turned into really sucky news (figuratively and literally) about two seconds later when the doctor pulled out a needle and jammed it into my breast, twice. The good news: the cysts are gone. The bad: They will be back. But all in all, a huge sigh of relief and a short prayer of thanks to the Supreme Being(s).

On the baby making side, it looks as if it will have to be done the hard and expensive way. Can’t even go the turkey baster route… it looks as if we will have to go IVF. I also have a surgery scheduled to remove the polyp and possibly the tubes later this month. Again, I have more family history forms to fill out and today I wish I had gone through the trouble to find out more about my biological parents. But then again, life has always been a crap shoot and I have always lived on the edge. On the plus side, hubster has promised to wait on me hand and foot for four whole days after the surgery... I may even milk it for five...

By the way, this isn’t whining. I have always been of the opinion and philosophy that if it is meant to be, it will be. If not, there are plenty of children out in the world that need homes and that I would be honored to share mine with any of them. But we want to try having a baby first. I owe it to the hubster and to myself to try. My head is on straight and I refuse to drive myself crazy about this. Not to mention that the most positive thing to come of this is the bonding I have been doing with my mother. She’s been through all this so she has been very supportive. We’ve been getting a lot closer and that is a gift in and of itself.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to. Which is nothing compared to what Mad Mikey has been going through. Go give the man a hand, if you can...

Going catty

I want this shirt

... seriously. Nicely done, Catscape "T-Shirt" Guru!

PS: I copied the photo to flickr so I wouldn't steal bandwidth from ya... but if you want, I'll take it down. :)

UPDATE:

even sweeter!!! Hey, hubster... are you seeing this? hint hint nudge nudge