Pole Dancing In The Dark

Growing up, 70's style

IF YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70'S...

A friend sent this to me via email, and I thought it was funny - and scary - and I decided to share. Of course, I have to add my own commentary...


You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.

I also had an ez bake oven, which was my prized possession - just threw it out this February, cleaning out my grandmother's house - it had a lot of dead bugs in it

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.

And don't forget the squeeky horn

You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.

and fell down as often on them as on the rollerblades that came later.

You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)
Not so much, no.

You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.

Not so much, no.

You had either a 'bowl cut' or 'pixie', not to mention the 'Dorothy
Hamill' People sometimes thought you were a boy.
Yes, and I was traumatized by it so much that to this day, I will not wear my hair short.


You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.

No, and no. I used to mock the moon boot people, and I now mock the Ugh boot people.

You owned a 'Slip-n-Slide' , on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.

Hell, I ripped the damn thing open with my front teeth. Flimsy stuff, them slip n slides

You owned 'Klick-Klacks' and smacked yourself in the face more than once!

Actually, my dad got so sick of the noise, he took them away and threw them out. Which is for the best, because I am a klutz.

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.

No, my star wars bag was much better

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.

No, no and no. But I wanted to and was jealous of the kids that did. I have since, thankfully, grown some sort of clothing taste. And I don't have any embarressing gaucho pictures.



You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

You betcha, and got it too. I kicked ass with that game.

You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny
shredded outfits, or the sunshine family.

Yeah... ahhhh... no. Hated them with a fiery passion. I was probably just jealous of their talent. I have since, thankfully, grown taste as far as musically choices go as well...

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.

That was the goal of the exercise.I never claimed I was that bright.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.

No, because I had no hair to put in barrettes thanks to that bitch Dorothy Hamill!!!

You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals.

Had? Hells yes, and I own a pair now. Those things still rock. Ok, so maybe not that much taste in shoes.

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that
Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson!

I had the prairies dress in the school picture, but I didn't really care for the show that much.

You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink!

Instead, I had my first dramatic break up there. Sniff sniff...bastard!

PONG! ('video tennis' ) was the most remarkable futuristic game you've ever heard of !

You mean it isn't still?

Your hairstyle was described as having 'wings' or 'feathers' and you
kept it 'pretty' with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
When you walked, the 'wings' flapped up and down, looked like you were
gonna 'take off'.


You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends,
Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.

You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.

With the thermos inside some were glass and broke the first time you dropped them

You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.

YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!

It was a big event in your household each year when the 'Wizard of Oz' would come on TV.

Those freakin' monkeys are what scared me. Nasty tricksy false flying monkeys!!!



You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: 'Who will I marry? Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?'

You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame
soundtrack record albums.

I did not own any of these. By this time, I was listening to Rush. I matured at a very young age. :)


You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes,decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.


You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!


You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.


You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.



You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy
Blume books.
(Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)

I hated Margaret. I thought that any young girl wishing for the monthly curse was a freakin' idiot. Matter of fact, I still do. Bitch!


You thought Olivia Newton John's song 'Physical' was about aerobics.
(its not??)



You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with
heart or rainbow designs.



You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

I still practice - always hoping to be discovered.



You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first 'real'
Perfume you ever owned.

yeah, that was stinky shit, wasn't it? I apologize to any boy I may have caused distress to by forcing them to breath that shit in.


You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost
dripped off.

Yeah, same with this one... I apologize.

Posted by Ethne at September 20, 2007 08:44 AM | TrackBack